This is my first time blogging. I've had this account for a while now, but never took the time to actually write anything. I figure the best way to start this out is by giving you a little background. I was born January 2, 1988 in Lexington, KY. I have wonderful parents who have always encouraged me to be independent and follow my dreams. I grew up in a small town about 30 miles away from Lexington. Most would say I've lived here my entire life. Without going into too many details right off the bat, I was diagnosed as bipolar at a very young age. Don't feel sorry for me. I am just one of many suffering from this disorder. Looking back I realize the dramatic impact this has had on my life. I came out to my family at the age of 16. My father asked to not see it, but he wanted me to be happy. My mother on the other hand flipped out. She sent me to several Christian counselors trying to change me. Nothing worked. I dated a guy while I was in high school who wasn't out. Still isn't. Maybe he's not gay after all. Who knows. His father ended up finding out about us and threatened to kill me if he ever saw me around his son again. I was already in trouble for drinking on a school trip at the time. I caved with all of the pressure, and on March 26, 2006 I attempted suicide by overdose. Luckily I was found by some friends and taken immediately to the hospital to have my stomach pumped.
After several days in the ICU I ended up in the psychiatric ward. I stayed in the psychiatric ward for two weeks, and was finally released on a number of medications. Once in therapy back home I discovered that in my stupor I had written a hit list out, which included my band director. I have no recollection to this day of writing that. The hit list on top of my drinking on the school trip ended up getting me expelled. I was allowed to finish my courses online and graduate. I never walked or went to my senior prom because of this.
I moved out of town the first chance I got. My father didn't want me to go. I was told I would never be allowed to move back in with them if I moved out. I took the risk and moved to Nicholasville, KY with a close family friend. After I finally received my diploma I moved to Bowling Green, KY to start classes early in the summer. I stayed on medication for a while, but it wasn't long until I felt like I didn't need to be taking it any longer. I was immediately caught up in the college lifestyle. I dropped classes, partied all the time, went clubbing in Nashville, and all together skipped classes. Needless to say I flunked out my first semester of college. My parents immediately cut me off and I was forced to move back to Nicholasville with my family friend. Before I knew it I found myself working for her at her accounting firm and taking night classes at a small business college in nearby Lexington. Things seemed to be stabilizing in my life. I soon grew restless of living in my bosses basement. It was around this time that I met S. We met on the internet and fell for eachother very quickly. He was in a bad roommate situation, and we ended up moving in together after dating only three month. This is where my adult life began. It wasn't long before my unmedicated disorder reared its ugly head and the cycle of dramatic highs and lows took hold. This lasted for the next seven years.
I am medicated now, but medication with bipolar disorder is always trial and error. I still deal with suicidal thoughts, and have spells of mania. I am in therapy regularly. I want to lead a normal life though I know that is relatively impossible. This is the story of my struggles and triumphs.
I want to write all of this down in a public forum so at least someone would know my story in its entirety. I know that I may not change anyones life with this blog. I may never have any followers, but it's here if anyone wants to know.
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